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Germaine ♥

i seriously dunno i should hate band or love band.
it taught me a lot of things, and i gained a lot from it.
but at that same time, i lost things that i once had.

i have realised that i lost my freedom.
but i didnt noe that band can make me lose my friends too.

if you ask me, friends or band, choose one.
i am very sorry i wont say friends,
but i wont say band too.

i definately dun have the idea to brainwash you or say any wise-sayings.
i told you to talk to them, because i noe how difficult it is to be a section leader. no matter if they are your friends or sectionmates, i believe you dun wish to see them being so worried for you, cracking their heads to find ways and solutions to ask you to come back to band.

but just to let you noe, i HAVE the responsibility to go band, to practice hard, to teach my juniors, to lead my section.
so do you think that i am enjoying wad i am doing?
and being happy with wad i faced and i need to do?
all the worrying, pressure i received, frustration and cryings for everyday's routine .
you think i dun want back my freedom?
you also noe that i got no sectionmate.
if i dun lead the section, who lead?
you read the letter my senior wrote for me too.
they are waiting for me to bring my section to greater heights, to improve.
i promised them that i will work hard, and make them proud.
i really thought you really understand,
but it's just me being naive, you never understand me at all.

regretted sticking with me?
i regretted that i am not able to make you love band.
no matter how much i wish that i never pon band in the past,
i will never say i regretted sticking with you or wad.
cos this process is something memorable for us, between us.

i thought out friendship is even stronger than that,
but after this,
i can really conclude that it isnt.
no matter you said that in a moment of angry or it was something that you want to say for long,
it shows all already.
since when did i care?
if you think i never care, then think that way.
i didnt noe that i am that horrible in your heart.
i didnt noe that just BAND can affect our friendship to this extend.

what is care?
what is friendship?
i really dunno and dun understand at all.

i noe, some of you think that i never spend enough time with you all.
but if i always go out with you all, wad about my juniors and section?
but at the same time, i am trying very hard to find time to go out with you all too.

i got a lot of stress and problems already.
please dun help me add more to it.

my mind's in a mess now, that's why the thing i said are also very messy.
yes. maybe sleeping will make me feel better.
goodnight all.